Roasted

Paste a URL and a critic with zero patience reads your page, grades it S to F, draws numbered arrows on the exact problems, writes the fixes, rewrites your hero headline + CTA, and hands you a card built to be posted.

The first version was just mean — it gave Stripe a C and Vercel an F. Funny for ten seconds, then useless: if everything's an F, the grade means nothing. So the scoring was rebuilt to be fair — genuinely great sites earn an A or S, only broken pages get the F — while the tone stays savage. A roast that's also right.

The real wall was screenshots: most portfolios are animated (intro loaders, scroll-triggered reveals, smooth-scroll libraries) and naive capture tools just grab a blank page. So it drives a real headless browser that scrolls to fire every reveal, with fast services in production and image-drop as a fallback. On top sits a public Wall of Fame & Shame (Upstash-persisted), API-key rotation so a launch spike can't drain the quota, and a tiered reveal — an A rains confetti, an F sets off a screen-shaking explosion.